I am still here!!

Life got in the way of blogging, but I really need to get back into it.  I have been going to weight watchers with my husband for about 2 1/2 months now and I just haven't been able to get motivated to stay on track.  I have yo-yo'd around the whole time and have only lost like 5# at this point.  I am really hoping the new WW program will shake me up a bit and help me find my motivation!!

First day on Weight Watchers

Well not my first, first day, I've done the program before but this time Danny and I went together.  Grocery shopping was a challenge today, but it will get easier once we are in the groove of it again.  Weigh ins will be on Thursday mornings and I am going to try really hard not to step on the scale at home. 
I really want (no, need) for this to work.  Maybe it will be easier with both of us doing this together.
  I sure hope so!

I am so far gone (again)

I just can't seem to get a handle on my eating and I can't really figure out why.  Danny and I are going to go sign up for weight watchers Thursday morning so hopefully that will set me on the right path again!  I am my own worst enemy!!!

Well this week sucked!

I have been eating non-stop and not exercising, I feel sluggish and I know it's because I'm PMS'ing.  I want to scream!!!!!!!!!
My weight is up 2.4# which is EXACTLY what I lost last week.  I can feel the negativity creeping back into my brain, and I need to get a handle on it!
On a good note my husband has agreed to join weight watchers with me, but I don't think I can afford it for a couple or few weeks until I start getting paid from my new part time job.  It will be around $80 month for both of us, but I know it works, it has worked for  me in the past, why I quit going I will never know, but I need to stick with it this time!

Schools back in session!

The kids go back to school tomorrow and I started two online classes (I will not stress eat!), so life is going to be hectic around here, at least for a bit.  My eating has been less than stellar since Friday, I'm not really anticipating a loss this week, but I am exercising every day so that is a good thing, I have not fallen completely off the bandwagon, just partially!  I am planning on getting on the treadmill in the  mornings now, once the kids are off to school, that frees up the afternoons for homework, or a good ass-kickin exercise DVD when the baby is napping.  We'll see how that goes.  My plan is to start going to bed at 10:30, that is a huge downfall for me, staying up late and then wanting to sleep in...bleh!!!  So there will be some changes made around here!

2 days until the KISS concert!!!  wah hoo!!!

I WANNA ROCK AND ROLL ALL NIGHT

Finally, a decent loss!!

I am happy to report that I am down 2.4 pounds this week, for a total of 3.8 pounds lost in August and 11.8 pounds down total (since the beginning of July), when I started exercising and getting serious about taking this weight off (again)!!  I still get frustrated with how slowly the weight is coming off, after going on so quickly, but I just have to stick with it no matter what the scale says, day after day, week after week, until I get to my goal weight.  I can tell I' m firming up, don't get me wrong I have muffins and love handles all over the place, but I can notice some improvement, and I feel better, so that is a huge deal for me!
I did day two of week two of C25K today, I really didn't feel like, simply because I had a junky fast-food lunch and was feeling so sluggish after I ate, but I got on anyway.  I really felt compelled to get on the treadmill, that little nagging voice telling me not to do it was WAY over ruled by the voice saying I wanted to do it, and that I would feel better once I did it...how cool it is that!!!  Me, developing a desire to exercise!!
So I spent 31 minutes doing the C25K
2.2 miles (alternating 4.1 mph walk 5.0 mph jog)
354.6 calories gone
I had decided I would only do the C25K program and get off the treadmill, but I did another 1.1 miles doing inclines at 4 mph with inclines up to 10.0, and burned another 222.8 calories...not too shabby!!
577.4 calories gone for today, which hopefully will negate SOME of the damage I did at lunch today!
My plan for exercising is going to change when school starts next week, I plan to get Josh off to school and then hop on the treadmill while the little ones are either still snoozing or eating breakfast, that will free up my afternoons to do a workout dvd or something...good plan!  I also plan to start going to bed earlier and getting a better night's rest.  Those are my goals!

Week 2 day1 C25K

I started week 2 of the couch to 5K today, so far, so good!!!  I skipped the Shred DVD today because I have twinge in my lower back that I'm pretty sure Jillian caused, guess I'll try that again tomorrow.  It was a beautiful evening here, took the little girls for a walk and on our way home we stopped at McD's for .49 ice cream cones. As I was sitting there eating my ice cream cone, it dawned on me that this is really what it's all about, watching what I eat and exercising, while still allowing myself the little pleasures in life, like an ice cream cone.  I didn't go in to Mc D's and want a value meal, it wasn't at all about that, I was taking my girls to get ice cream and that is what we did.  I am certain that this is the trick to being successful on any eating plan,  allowing treats without guilt or feelings of failure, just having a treat and continuing on.   No one can be perfect all of the time, perfection for any serious length of time will eventually lead to a huge "fall off the wagon" with immense feelings of guilt and failure, at least it has for me in the past.   I think I may finally have found the key to what works for me (and it's about time), it's not about giving up whole food groups, diet pills, or magic potions, it's about moderation and being happy with any progress I make, taking a bad eating day and leaving it in that day and starting fresh the next, it's all about not feeling like a failure just because I have an ice cream cone with my kids!!  I still count calories, and that is what seems to be working for me, so that is what I will continue to do.

Treadmill stats:
C25K Week 2 Day 1
31 minutes
2.2 miles (5 minute warm up 3.0 to 4.0, alternate jogging 5.0 mph 90 seconds with walking 4.1mph  2 minutes, 5 minute cool down)
347.7 calories burned

Inclines after C25K
17.01 minutes
1.1 miles
206.1 calories burned

Walked with the girls for 30 minutes.

Just a side note...I checked the results for the 5K Josh and I did a few weeks ago and the top male finisher did it in 15 minutes and some odd seconds!!  A 5 minute mile!  Who the hell does that and what kind of mutant runner are they, that's like running 12 mph for the whole 3 miles...crazy!!!

Finished week one of couch to 5K today

I meant to finish it on Friday but just didn't have the energy to get on the treadmill after running around grocery shopping, working and extra shift, getting supper etc.  So I finished it today and I'll start with week 2 Wednesday.   I guess it won't be a bad thing to have the weekend off of exercising when I'm working, and then finishing up a week on that Monday, might work out well.  I did 2.1 miles on the C25K and then continued on for another mile doing inclines and then my friend Jillian Michaels and I did the 30 day shred!!   I had planned to take the little girls for a walk this evening but Mallory dumped a half full bowl of spaghetti on her head, so...it looks like baths will be done a little earlier than I had planned and we will forgo the walk tonight!
I ordered a couple of books off Amazon about the benefits of coconut oil, I'm still waiting for them to come but I am going to try and incorporate it in my diet and see how I feel.  The coconut oil I bought at Wal-Mart is apparently crap, so I will need to go to the health food store and get some.  I started taking my vitamin regimen again so I really hope I start feeling less like a slug here soon!  I started two of my classes, LET THE STRESS BEGIN!!!  Let me reiterate, I WILL NOT STRESS EAT this semester, I absolutely cannot let myself do to myself what I did last semester (I am STILL working on taking those 25# off!)!!!  My  emotions do not need to manifest themselves in my food intake!

Treadmill stats for today:

C25K
5 minute warm up (3.5 to 4.0 mph)
20 minutes jogging 1 minute walking 1 1/2 minutes (5.0 mph and 4.1 mph)
5 minute cool down (4.0 to 3.8 mph)
2.1 miles
30 minutes
338.4 calories burned

Continued on walking at 4 mph with various inclines up to 9.0 for 1 more mile

Grand totals:
45 minutes
3.1 miles
538 calories burned

Then I let Jillian kick my ass for 20 minutes!!!

Disgustingly, Infuriatingly Slow Weight Loss!!

I am down a whole .6 pounds this week.  It is making me crazy!!!  I have exercised like mad and stayed within my calorie range and still only down .6!  I'm ticked off but I will keep my focus and continue on the path I'm on, (but I'm still mad about it!!!!)...
I have been doing some research on coconut oil, quite interesting, I bought some today now I just need to figure our exactly how to incorporate it into my diet.  I suspect I have a sluggish thyroid, I keep getting tested for hypothyroidism every so often, and so far the tests have been normal every time.  My hair is falling out, I'm fatigued all the time, and I have other subtle symptoms, but nothing definitive for the diagnosis as far as lab tests go.  It is my understanding that a person can have a sluggish thyroid for a long time before any  lab test will show a positive results, so it's worth a shot, can't hurt I guess!!  I started taking my vitamins last night again, too, I had really slacked off over the summer with that, so I'm back on track with that too. 
I have to go to work for 4 hours and then try to get some exercising in when I get home, hopefully I'm not too tired!

Forgot to post exercise from yesterday

I did Week 1 Day 2 of the Couch to 5K
which consisted of:
5 minute warm up (3.5-4.0mph)
20 minutes alternating 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking (5.0 mph jog/4.0 mph walk)
5 minute cool down (4.0-3.8 mph)
all at a .5 incline

Totals:
30 minutes
2.1 miles
326.9 calories burned

After I finished the C25K I did 1 mile of inclines
15 minutes 18 seconds
1 mile
200 calories burned 

4.0 mph inclines up to 8.0

THEN
I did day 3 of Jillian Michaels Shred dvd (not sure if I'll ever get off level one...but hey!)  My arms are killing me today, mostly my wrists and elbows, which I think is from push ups, but nevertheless I will do day 4 today!  I took the kiddos for a walk after supper last night, too. So I did well with the exercising yesterday.

I stepped on the damn scale again this morning even though official weigh in day isn't until tomorrow morning and still no loss, so needless to say I am frustrated.  I know I have been burning a ton of calories exercising and staying within my calorie range and still nothing!  ugh!!!

Todays exercise will be:
Inclines on the treadmill (a day off from C25K)
Shred DVD
Walking with the kids after supper if it's not raining.


I feel good about what I'm doing this week, I just hope the scale shows a little progress tomorrow!!

As a side note, is anyone having trouble with blogger when you are typing in your post?  Every time I hit enter it takes me back to the beginning of the sentence I just finished...weird!!

Why do I step on the scale before weigh in day?!?!?!

I stepped on the scale, just on a whim this morning because I figured with the great exercising I've been doing this week and staying within my calorie range I'd be sure to see at least a little bit of a loss...
AND ***ding ding ding*** a freakin' gain of like a pound, gahhhhhhhh!!!!!  It is just so frustrating!!!!!!  Why can't I have a decent metabolism??  I'm so sick of being fat and now I'm fat and frustrated!!!!!  I'm not going to go drown my sorrows in food, I'm going to get on the treadmill in a little bit, but I'm still mad as hell at that stupid scale!!!!

Great exercising day today!!!

 I know they won't all be like this but for now I can enjoy the fact that I burned a butt-load of calories today AND kept my eating in check!!!

I did a 5 minute warm up on the treadmill
 then I did 3.1 miles alternating 3 minutes walking and 3 minutes jogging for the first two miles (4.0 and 4.5 mph) and then walked 4 minutes jogged 2 minutes for the remainder, .5 incline for the whole thing.

 Ended up at 3.1 miles in 44 min 9 seconds and burned 529.4 calories

then did a cool down for 3 minutes at a slow walk


THEN

 I did Jillian Michaels 30 day shred, day one of level one right after I got off the treadmill, yeah, I was a sweaty mess!!
Went for a walk with the kids tonight because it was so nice out, just a nice leisurely walk, but burning calories as well, I'm sure!!


I bet I'm a hot mess of soreness tomorrow...lmao!!

EXERCISE

This week I have challenged myself to get in some form of exercise every day, NO EXCUSES!!!  I did pretty well over the weekend with the 5K on Saturday and walking around at the zoo all day yesterday,  however, my eating was less than stellar over the weekend, crap!  I need to pull it all together,  hopefully one of these days I'll get it!  My plan is to start Jillian Michaels 30 day shred starting today and also hopping on the treadmill all while Mallory is napping, and seeing the weather is so nice I will probably take the little girls for a walk tonight after supper, aside for my plans for today I really plan on following through on the 30 day shred, even though I fully intend on not being able to walk after doing it the first day (I've started it before, I know how it goes!)!!  I think I will do the treadmill first and be good and warmed up before doing the dvd.  Probably treadmilling it and shredding it will be the extent of my workouts for a while and I'll take it from there.  I found some really good interval training workouts online that I printed off (somewhere around here) where you hop off the treadmill at certain times and do push ups or what ever, I may give that a try if I can find them amongst all of my other crap lying around here! 
I registered for my classes today...BOOO!!!!  I really need to not get so stressed that I all out pig out because of school, that will be one task I have to master this semester!  On a good note I should have my Bachelor's degree by this time next year and should be able to slide right into grad school in fall of 2011.  Now to just figure out exactly what I want to pursue for  my master's, I'm leaning toward nurse educator but if I look at money I probably should go for nurse practitioner, I just don't know if that's what I want to do.  Oh well, I have a year to decide!

I'm slamming my water today, are you????

Hank Aaron 5K was today!

Josh and I did our first 5K together this morning, it was humid but at least the sun stayed behind the clouds for the majority of the run.   We did it in 50 minutes, which isn't half bad for the combo of jogging and walking we did.  It was so cool to do this with him and he felt such a sense of pride and accomplishment when he finished it, it was so worth it!!!

I looked at these photos of myself and I could just cry!  I  was in such a great spot, weight-wise, this time last year and now I just look horrible!!  I hate that I let myself back slide so far!  I know I am doing the right thing and exercising and taking the weight back off, but I just can't help but wonder where I would be at with running and such had I kept the weight off.  I know I will never look like those runners that are at the beginning of the pack, but hopefully by next year I can be doing 5K's with alot of this excess weight off!

A gain this week

Yeah, it may have only been .4 of a pound, but  a gain none the less!  I had a feeling that would happen.  Even if I have what I consider to be a decent eating week if I don't exercise, I don't lose, and I didn't exercise this week, at all.  Tomorrow starts the turning over of a new leaf, I plan to do some type of exercise everyday, even if it just turns out to be sit ups or lunges,  I will do something, every day!!  That is my new commitment, along with keeping the eating real of course.

Tomorrow is the 5K with Josh, I think it's going to be rainy, oh well, it will still be fun to do it with him.

Excuses, Excuses!!

I haven't exercised this week, not once!  I blame the heat and humidity, it's sucking the life right out of me, well that and the fact that the minute I walk out the door a swarm of mutant, hummingbird sized mosquitoes attacks me!  However, I know I'm using that as an excuse, I have a treadmill, it's sitting there staring at me, saying "Hey, dummy you could use me in this nice air conditioned living room..." and yet I don't, I own a small library full of exercise dvds, did I do any of those...ummmm nope!  Excuses, excuses, what can I say, it's something I am good at and frankly I just feel like being lazy this week.  When the scale doesn't move down this week I have no one to blame but myself and my excuses!!  I really do feel tired and beat down this week, I have no energy, it just plain stinks, but it is what it is.  Josh and I have our 5K Saturday, this heat and humidity isn't supposed to break until Sunday...ugh!  At least the 5K is at 8:30 in the morning so it shouldn't be quite so stinking hot!!  I am starting back on my beginning running program on Monday without Josh, he didn't progress quite as fast as I hoped he would and I feel like I haven't made any progress walking/jogging with him and may have regressed some, but it was nice to do this with him regardless.  I am sticking to my treadmill for a while, too, I prefer it to running outside.    I think in the spring when Josh has gotten a little taller, we are going to buy bikes and start riding together.  Cycling is something that is intriguing to me and I've noticed many of the bloggers I follow have gotten into biking.  I used to ride a bike, many, many years ago, and I know that is something Josh and I could do together that he will have more success in than running, he doesn't really enjoy running and I don't want to push him to do something he hates, and I know he likes to bike and I know he likes to spend time alone with me ( I like it too!!), so this will be something we can do together next spring/summer.  In the mean time I will keep encouraging him to use the treadmill and get out on his bike to get some exercise.  Hell, maybe I'll be at my goal weight by next spring when we start biking, wouldn't that be cool!!  I'm shooting for the end of 2011, but we'll see how things progress.  My almost non-existent metabolism took an even further dump once I hit 40, so weight loss is just sllloowwwww for me now!!!  I just have to realize that this is going to take a long time, and I also need to remember my past mistakes and not repeat them!  I am still working on taking off the 25# of binge eating grossness from my last slip up and I need to remember just how hard it is to get it off this time, so I don't do it again.  Everyone has bad days but I can't fall off the wagon for more than a day or two without having some really sucky consequences!  It isn't going to happen again!!
I took 6th place in the Awesome by August challenge, which was really a nice motivator for me to keep on going.  I am excited to be participating in the Super by September challenge that Karen is doing, I really think these challenges help to keep me going.  I picked Vemma thirst water for my prize for last month's challenge, sounds pretty interesting.  I'll keep everyone posted on how it works!

A Loss is a loss!

I lost 1.2 pounds this week,  it still doesn't make up for the 2 pounds I gained last week, but hey, a loss is a loss and I'll take it!!!  I'm thinking I will take photos and measurements every 15 pounds instead of once per month, in which case I have a bit to lose before I worry about that.  I had originally thought to do it every month, but because I forgot today I made the executive decision to do it every 15 pounds instead!!
This weight is sure coming off a lot slower than it went on when I was in my eating frenzy a couple of months ago.  As I think about this ( and I think about it a lot!) I believe the reason for this is so that I FINALLY realize that a month long binge is just not worth it and I can't do it anymore!!! Simply because it goes on so fast and comes off so painfully slow.   The yo-yo'ing has to stop every time I do it it becomes more obvious that it harder and harder to take the weight off, besides the fact that it so unhealthy to do it!  Maybe this will finally be the motivator I need to stop the binge eating.  I need to keep this in the front of my mind so that every time I want to binge and binge and not look back I stop and remind myself that it's not worth it because it will take forever to get it off and I'll never get to my goal weight!  Hopefully, hopefully this blogging will serve as a reminder to me, too.  I don't want to keep falling off the wagon and this blog is a good way to remember these times, good and bad!  I love the support and encouragement I can find in the blogging world!  (even if I have to pretend I have readers!)!!!
I wonder what it is about breastfeeding that hops up a person's metabolism, whatever it is they need to bottle it and sell it because I lost 50# with very little effort when I was going to weight watchers and nursing Mallory.  I want THAT kind of metabolism!  (Not bad enough to get pregnant again, though!)
I think I might have had that AH-HA moment just in the last week or so and I hope that I can avert any further month-long binge eating.  A day here or there to splurge, it do-able, just not a month or more!

Here is a great blog article on binge eating...

http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2008/08/26/7-helpful-tips-to-stop-binge-eating/

Until next time!

One big load of stress lifted off my shoulders!!!!

Yeah, this is how I was feeling up until I hit the submit button on my research proposal today!!!!!

However...now that that huge weight is off my shoulders, I should have about....hmmmm, 2 or 3 weeks until the next class starts up!!  What we won't do for higher education!!!  Work has called multiple times the last couple of days, begging for help because we are so short staffed.  I just don't want to do it, I was looking forward to having some time off with nothing but housework and laundry and scrap booking hanging over my head,  instead of homework!  They are having an emergency meeting Monday and I'll bet they start cancelling vacations and making more mandatory overtime.  They had better think long and hard before they do that there are many people I work with who have one foot out the door already.  I really hope my boss loses her job over this, the new step down unit shouldn't have been opened when we didn't have the staff to staff it adequately.  Enough ranting about work.  I had to get that out there because it looks like one stress will be replaced by another!
I didn't exercise today, at all!  It is so hot and humid and I developed a migraine after my jog/walk last night that I was still dealing with today so I opted for a exercise free day.  Normally I would have gone to yoga, but the thought of hanging upside down while my head  is throbbing just didn't appeal to me!

I do love yoga, though.

My eating has been pretty on track, I had pizza tonight but managed to keep it in check.  I am really hoping for a loss Friday morning, I don't think I will handle a gain two weeks in a row, very well.  That's just how I am, I know it's wrong but I am one of those people who need to see the numbers going down, to get that positive feedback from my scale.

 One final thought...

Until next time!!

This is a new week!

I didn't do badly last week, just lost a bit of focus and slacked off a little (2# worth of slacking). This weekend's eating went well and I tracked everything I ate and plan to do the same this week. I think as much as I despise tracking what I eat I need to do otherwise it just becomes too easy to eat a little more of this or that or and extra helping all because it's not visible to me on my food log, so I'm committing to doing it, all week!
Less than 2 weeks until my next 5K. I'll be running it with Josh so I'm not planning on having a better time than my last 5K but at least we will be doing it together. After this 5K I'm so exciting to be doing one in December (yeah, December in Wisconsin, this could be brutal), anyway it runs through a park that is completely decorated with Christmas lights, how cool is that!!!!
I WILL NOT STRESS EAT THIS WEEK! My research proposal is due next Monday, so this will be a very stressful week trying to get it all pulled together.
I




WILL



NOT



STRESS



EAT



!

Fleeting feelings of despair and hopelessness!!!

I have been struggling with the scale all week, being up by as much as 6 pounds at one point this week, which is crazy. Mathematically I would have to have eaten 21,000 calories above my daily calorie allowance and what I burned exercising, there is absolutely no way this happened. My official weigh in has me as gaining 2 pounds obviously better than gaining 6 but a gain none the less, I still don't think I ate 7000 extra calories this week. I honestly was in a pissed off mood this morning thanks to that scale, I actually felt desperate and hopeless and had fleeting thoughts of saying "Screw it" and going on a food binge. I didn't, but I thought about it, and in the past I would have done it. Putting in all into perspective I have still lost 8# in 3 weeks, not bad considering my goal was to lose 1.5# a week, so I'm still ahead of the game and I need to keep that in my mind. I wish I wasn't one of those people who need that instant gratification, to see those numbers on the scale going down every week. I read blogs written by people who were stuck at the same weight for months and yet continued on the path they started on, to weight loss and health. I hope I can maintain that focus and drive, even during the not so good weigh in weeks.
I just want to say I am loving Nike's new adds that don't have every woman looking like a stick figure! Kudos to Nike for celebrating curves!!



Don't get me wrong I would love my ass and thighs to look that good, but at least it's a step in the right direction, portraying "real" women! I look forward to the day I can wear shorts that short!!!

Why is the scale such a pain in my ass????

I just don't understand, I've been stepping on periodically throughout the week and I am back up almost 6 pounds, I don't get it!! My eating this week has not been the greatest but I certainly haven't been on an all out eating binge either, a couple of slip up snacks and such, but nothing major! I've been exercising like normal...ugh!!! I hate the scale! I know some people say to just throw it out and go based on how you are feeling and how clothes fit etc...I just can't do that, I need the accountability. Times like these are times I get frustrated and ready to throw in the towel, but I know I can't. Tomorrow morning is the official weigh in, so we'll see what the scale shows then.

Inspirational Quotes

My son is a wimp!

Don't get me wrong, I love him like crazy, but he is a wimp. He was bound and determined to do a 5K with me after the one I did at Bastille Days, so I signed us up for one in August, he was fully aware he would need to go out jogging with me 2 or 3 nights a week so he would be ready. We have been at it about 3 weeks now and I swear he has had something to whine and complain about the whole 3 miles. Now keep in mind this kid hasn't had an ounce of hurry in him his whole life, he's always been laid back, one of those people you have to light a fire under their ass to get them moving, but anyway...I decided maybe I was pushing him too hard, so last night I decided we would jog one minute and walk 5 minutes and so on, not a great workout for me by far, but I figured it would be easier for him. He made it through the first one minute and then the complaining started...ugh! I can't make it much easier than that for him! The most frustrating thing to me is that during the walking part, he walks super slow and I can't even get him to walk fast a little bit. I am so sad that he is so out of shape at only 12 years old, last night I kept telling him that it will get better and that he was making his body strong, reinforced that he doesn't want to end up overweight and diabetic like his Dad, and blah, blah, blah! I don't want to make him hate jogging but I think he's capable of way more than the effort he is putting forth. I am so frustrated with him, but we will keep at it!
On a good note, I noticed that I am in the lead in the Awesome by August challenge! I have had a good two weeks, now lets hope I can keep it up! I think I need to find challenges to keep me motivated, it sure seems to be working!!!
So today's plan is homework (figured if I work 2 hours a day on the research proposal I won't have to hole up for two days straight to get it done at the last minute), a walk with the little girls this afternoon to a new park I discovered right up the road from my house that I never knew existed, and saw when I was out for a jog, and then jogging with Mr. Whiney Pants tonight, it's going to be hot and humid so I'm sure I'll hear about it the whole way!!

Good weigh in again this week!!!

I was down 2.4# this week, yay!!! I had stepped on the scale a day or two ago and it said the exact same weight as last week so I was a bit discouraged because I felt that I was really having a good week, but low and behold I did lose!!! Hallelujah!!!
Tori had her gallbladder out today and is doing remarkably well, as a matter of fact she is sitting at the table playing mousetrap with two of her girlfriends right now. Hopefully she isn't overdoing it. I have to work my usual 12 hour shifts the next two days...bleh! I am thinking I need to look for a new job, the moral in my department sucks! I used to enjoy going in to work and now I dread it, that is no way to go through life! I'm sure I'll stick it out for a while I'm just at a point where I'm getting that itch to try something else, something I will enjoy doing, but who knows, I might just be in a work funk right now and it will all improve again. I have another year of school until I get my Bachelor's degree and then maybe that will open some new doors until I can get through grad school.

I am stressing about this research proposal...

It's my last assignment for my research class and I've been working on it and stressing over it today, however, I haven't broken down and started stress eating, don't even have the desire to really, which is cool! The stress eating last semester is what landed me back at this obscenely high weight I started out at (again), a weight I had vowed never to let myself get back up to. I sometimes wonder if I am such a glutton for positive feedback and attention that once the "you're looking skinny" comments start to taper off I put the weight back on in order to get the positive comments again. I'm not saying that this is why I put the weight back on, but I wonder if somewhere in my subconscious, my ego causes the yo-yo dieting because of this. Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm!! I think I need to watch my eating and make sure I'm getting enough calories, I know I don't lose weight when I eat too little, and I'm short again today, so I'll try to find some healthy stuff to eat here shortly. Last week was such a great eating week, this week hasn't been bad so far with eating, and I'm on track with exercising, just missed yoga this morning, but I started the 200 sit up program that Karen is doing, and took the kids to the pool, so I didn't just sit on my butt all day.

Today's funny

I really must be leading a boring life right now. I'm keeping my calories in check and exercising. I guess once the honeymoon is over I'll be blogging alot more. So for today here is a funny!!

First weigh in

Apparently I am down 7.4 pounds, I was shocked!! I knew alot would come off the first week I really watched my eating and got in all of my exercise, and I'm sure it will slow down from here, just gotta keep plugging along at it.
I posted my fat picture here, if nothing else it will help keep me motivated every time I look at it...blech!!
I'm working 2-12 hour shifts again this weekend, and with that lies the challenge of not letting myself get so starving I want to eat anything that isn't nailed down once I get home. I'll try, but some days it's so busy I don't have time to grab a snack.
Here's hoping for a good weekend!

Had a diet coke today...

...and it was damn good!! I needed it and it made me feel better and that's what counts!! Nothing too exciting to report on today, I have stayed in my calorie range and went to do yoga this morning which went well. I just feel a generalized pissy-ness of late and I can't shake it, and I don't really know what's causing it. Hopefully my moods will level out one of these days! Tomorrow I'll take Tori to the surgeon and see what he says about taking out her gallbladder.
Going to go and watch some dvr stuff.

OK, so my shitty attitude is slightly better today!

I had a really crappy day yesterday, just one of those I feel like being a crab ass just leave it alone, kind of days. Today was better, despite the fact that Tori, my 17 year old ended up in the ER at 3 in the morning with an acute gallbladder attack. It needs to come out and we see the surgeon for a consult on Thursday. She happily sleeping with Vicodin on board so hopefully this will be a better night for her (and we get to get more sleep!!).
Exercising went great today, I put the baby in her stroller and Paige took her bike and we walked/rode to my mom's a little over a mile away. It took an hour to get there because Paige is 4 and just getting good at riding her bike, we stopped alot to fix wedgies, and scratch itches, and look at flowers and butterflies, but it was so worth it! After supper Josh and I went for a jog that turned out to be more of a walk, took us an hour to get 3.1 miles, he was complaining that his knees hurt and we ended up walking most of the route, but hell, 3 miles is 3 miles and we did it together!!! I need to remember not to push him too hard, he is a little overweight and I have been at this longer than he has, however, he's 12, this should be a piece of cake for him and it's not. I feel bad that he has gotten heavy and out of shape, but we are working on fixing that.
I'm a little shy on my calories today so I'm heading to the kitchen here in a bit to find something healthy to eat, then I'm reading and hitting the hay, it's been a long long day!! Tomorrow is yoga.

Today was tough

I stood on that damn scale today and I had my husband measure me and take some photos, and I've been in a funk ever since. I cannot believe how far I let myself slide again, I am so so so tired of losing this weight over and over again! When do I finally GET IT??? It's never been easy for me to take off pounds and I don't expect this time will be any easier than the last 4,657 or so times, it sure goes on a hell of a lot faster than it comes off! I can't even feel the excitement of starting this new "adventure" because I've been down the same path so many freakin' times!! ENOUGH ALREADY!!! I can say I'm happy to have traveled into the blogging world, I find so much inspiration here and I'm am in need of an endless supply of motivation and inspiration because I sure as hell don't get it from the one I married!! OK, I am just being a crab ass tonight, I haven't had one bit of caffeine today, and I sorely miss my Diet Cokes, tomorrow I'll need to have some coffee or tea or something or I'm sure I'll develop a migraine which I don't need! I stayed within my calorie range today and ate about every 3 hours, I can see how that type of eating will be hard if you have any sort of plans away from home, at least initially. I'll keep plugging along as usual and see what the next weigh in brings! I'm pretty sure I'll stick to Fridays for weigh in days after the "offical" weight I took today. Mondays aren't good for me because of working two 12 hour shift over the weekend and water retention and the whole bit, so Fridays it is from here on out. I'll measure myself once a month, weigh myself once a week, and get pictures when I think of it...

Tomorrow is THE DAY!!

I will be getting pictures and measurements and hopping back on the bandwagon (AGAIN). I was thinking today how ironic and utterly pathetic it is that I ran my first 5K at a weight that is almost as heavy as when I started WW back in January of '09. I had lost almost 60# and have since put all but about 10# of it back on, over the last 9 months or so. I am so disgusted with myself, yet again. I just don't understand why I do this to myself every time. For once in my life can't I just take the weight off and leave it off!!!! I am seriously contemplating attending and over-eaters anonymous meeting, I was surprised to find they have one here in our small town, it's tomorrow night, I think it would be weird, walking in for the first time, and taking that first step would definitely be the hardest. There has to be help out there for me, and anything short of a therapist is worth a shot, I guess. I know what I need to do to lose weight, I know what I need to do to keep it off, I know what I should and shouldn't eat, I know when I'm binging and I know that my binge days always eventually turn into binge weeks followed by binge months, and I am powerless to reel it in once it gets going. I've been fat my whole life and this is such a typical pattern for me. It's funny how it is so taboo for people to say anything about someone gaining weight, yeah, it's nice to hear comments when your losing, but when you are gaining it's a whole other story, no one says a word, and you know people notice, it's THAT obvious!! Can you imagine someone saying, " My you look like you are getting fatter by the day..." Maybe that would be a wake up call, just a thought, not that I would want anyone saying that to me, I think I do fine at beating myself up over my weight. It's almost as if I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to fail, so I go into it with the wrong mindset, I guess because I always HAVE failed, what else should I expect. I guess I will always be waiting for that ah-ha moment when it all makes sense and works out. Sure hope I find it this time!
Time to get my ass up out of the dirt and come out swingin'!!

Got me some wine at the finish line!!!!

Ann and I finished the 5K in 47 minutes, it was hotter then heck but we plugged along and did it, AND we are already planning the next one for August. We are going to do the Friends of Hank Aaron State Trail 5K and it happens to be a Saturday I have off. Josh wants to do a 5K with me so he is going to start running with me Monday and Ann is going to take her girls, so it should be a good time! It was kind of an uneventful finish to the 5K last night, because it was just a fun run there weren't any timing chips or timers at the finish line so we were both like "is this the end??", but whatever, we did it and it was a blast running through historic downtown Milwaukee, and we've decided we are going to do this run every year in celebration of our first ever 5K!
I went and got groceries today so I'm stocked up and ready to weigh in and get my measurements Monday, and get back on the bandwagon (AGAIN), working on getting into the right mindset, I have to!!! I can't keep going like this, gaining and gaining weight, and yo-yo dieting. I can't fall off the wagon and stay off for such long stretches at a time, it's ridiculous! Hopefully with this eating every three hours I can keep myself in check more.
I have to work all weekend but I will post my stats on Monday no matter how bad and/or embarrassing they may be!

5K is tonight!!

Can't say that I am anywhere near where I envisioned myself being at this point, in fact I backslid quite a bit in the last month or so both weight wise and exercising. Every part of me wants to just cancel and not go, but I am going to go and I am going to do it, no matter how long it takes me. I am so glad my friend Ann from work and I signed up together for this because neither one of us is going to back out on the other. At least this way I will have a base 5K time and it will only improve from there. I went to MC Sports to look for a pair of running shorts this morning and all I can say is REALLY?????? I think anyone above 100 pounds wouldn't fit more than one leg in some of those shorts! Guess I'll stick with some knit capri exercise pants I have and a t-shirt, I can't wear my yoga shorts because they ride up in the middle because of my fat thighs, don't want to chaff or anything!! Still haven't decided what we are going to do with our keys and stuff, that should be interesting.
I have just about one week of meal plans done, going to finish them up today and then stock up on groceries I need tomorrow. I have to work all weekend and then plan on taking pictures and measurements and starting on Monday with this eating plan. I optimistic about it, I think eating every 3 hours might just be the ticket for me to stop my low blood sugar binge eating. We'll see...
I'll post more later or tomorrow about the 5K.

I need a kick in the ass!

I have been eating like a maniac for a month and I feel like a cow! I haven't made time to exercise other than going to yoga last week and I feel like crap! I know I feel better when I eat better and exercise so what is my problem???? GAH!!!! I am working on meal plans right now and I am definitely going to change it up a bit from what I had been doing. I want to try eating every three hours, as some of you more successful blogger friends had recommended, and I think I am going to try 50% carbs, 30% protein, and 20% fat to start with. Now I just need to plan it all out. Does anyone have any good meal ideas that have macros with those percentages?? I have come to the conclusion that I will eat with my family but I think I will be making them different meals most of the time and sticking with foods that work for me to lose weight. It's not about the food we eat together it's about the meal time spent together anyway, right? My 5K is Thursday and I don't even want to go. I have been so neglectful in my jogging that I know it's going to be a less than stellar performance, but at least I can say I did it, even if I just alternate walking and jogging, and I'll have a starting point so I can shoot for a better time each time I do it. I feel like such a slug! I need to remember how shitty I feel right now the next time I decide to fall off the wagon for a month! It is amazing to me how fast the weight piles back on me when I'm not watching what I eat! Why can't it come off as fast as it goes on!
My focus is on the now, and not the failure of this past month. I need to get my head on straight and stop this craziness.
Feel free to kick me in the ass to get me going, now and anytime in the future when I start falling off the wagon!!!

I'm still around

I've been neglecting blogging because school has me so busy I don't even have time to clean my house! I knew it would be this way, and I'm not going to lie, I've been stress eating like crazy and not doing too well on the exercising either. I am going for a jog with Josh tonight, I know I feel better when I do, and maybe that will rid me of some of this stress and help me clear my head a little, too. I knew this summer course load was going to be a bitch and I was right, unfortunately it's going to get worse before it gets better because June has some even harder classes. I need to learn how to cope better, I guess!
I'm going to start eating better again, really I am. I'm going to the grocery store tomorrow so I can stock up on better foods, my plan is to munch on raw veggies when I get the urge to eat and eat and eat, we'll see how that pans out.
The big difference is, I'm not giving up and throwing in the towel completely like I would have before, once again, I'm getting back on the bandwagon!

EPIC FAIL!!

So I guess with all the jogging and walking I've been doing on the treadmill and with the small improvements I've seen, I deluded myself into thinking I could actually be a runner, you know, the hardcore, run just about everyday, do 6 marathons a year, GPS watch owning runner. I guess I shouldn't call it an epic fail maybe a half-epic fail. I actually got up the nerve to run outside this evening, all psyched up, adrenaline pumping, kind of nervous, ready to go after chickening our umpteen times before. I figured I'd have no problem jogging 1 to 1 1/2 miles, I could do it on the treadmill, no problem and then I'd walk and jog like I was used to doing on the treadmill for the remainder of the 3 miles. Stretched my legs out, threw on my old running shoes. cranked up the mp3 player (Lady Gaga) and off I went, first of all my ankles kept feeling all wobbly and then my shin splints acted up and then that old familiar twinge of pain in the old lady hip...seriously??? This was supposed to be a piece of cake, I was semi-conditioned, or so I thought, I made it 2 blocks jogging, yep, 2 long ass blocks, I could have cried, what a total let down! I guess I didn't realize how much different it was actually hitting the pavement when all I've done is the treadmill. I call it a half-epic fail because I didn't turn around and stomp back those 2 blocks home and call it quits, instead I walked, and did a little more jogging, not much jogging, my confidence is pretty much blown at this point, but I did 2.5 miles, mostly walking, but I did it anyway. One of my problems aside from the physical aspects of not being able to do this is that I care too much what other people think and I know I need to get past that. That wasn't the reason I had to stop jogging but it was in the back of my mind when I was walking. I can feel all the jiggly parts jiggling and I'm sure it isn't pretty when I run. I need to say screw it if you don't like it don't look at it, but I'm not quite there yet. My son is going to jog with me once school is out, so that will help, to have a jogging buddy, tonight I just feel like a loser!
Calories for the day: 1360
Not sure how many calories I burned because the jogging watch told me I did 1 1/2 miles (I clocked it out in the car at 2.5) and only burned 58 calories and I'm sure it's more than that!

Migraines really suck!

Nothing like a 2 day headache to mess up plans for exercising, because the last thing I want to do when my head feels like its going to explode is go jogging or hang upside down in a yoga pose! Yesterday was pretty much a lost cause exercise , I didn't go to yoga because of the headache, however my eating was good and I stayed within my calorie goal, so that's plus. Today I still woke up with this headache but HOPEFULLY it will go away so I can jog this afternoon or this evening. The weather here is beautiful and it seems like such a waste to have a headache and not be able to be out and enjoy it! Yeah, I'm whining!!!

My day was brightened by getting the blog award from 266 (I'm not sure what your name is...sorry!) Thanks so much! You are such an inspiration to me!



I love reading and am inspired by so many of the weight loss blogs I read, I can't believe I didn't start doing this sooner, it is a huge support and motivation for me!
I am going to pass this award on to:

F. McButter Pants at To the best of my ability a huge inspiration in weight loss and life issues!

The incedible Shrinking family at The Incredible Shrinking Family for all the wealth of knowledge about food and great recipes and inspiration I find there

And finally,
Me only better Me Only Better who recently stumbled but is back strong on her journey!!


Here are the rules...
1. Get really excited that you got the coolest award EVER!
2. Choose ONE of the following options of accepting the OMB award:
(a) Get really drunk and blog for 15 minutes straight, or for as long as you can focus.
(b) Write about your most embarrassing moment.
(c) Write a “Soundtrack of your childhood” post.
(d) Make your next blog a ‘vlog’/video blog. Basically, you’re talking to the camera about whatever.
e) Take a picture of yourself first thing in the morning, before you do anything else (hair, makeup, etc) and post it.
3. Pass this award onto at least 3, but preferably more, awesome bloggers as yourself. Don’t forget to tell them.

If you scroll back a post or two you will see the soundtrack of my childhood.

Feeling pretty good today!

I got an award, did I mention how cool that is?!?! :)
I had a good eating day and I did pretty well on the treadmill and I went for 2 walks with the kids because it was so beautiful outside. Only downfall of the day was my weigh in this morning, I was up 1.6#!!! I know that the scale is only one measurement of my progress and I shouldn't place too much emphasis on it, I'm just such a numbers person!! I'm not discouraged in any way, shape, or form though, I knew I blew it with eating and exercise last week, but there was nothing I could (or was willing) to do about it. I need to get through these classes and there are going to be weeks where that HAS to come first, unfortunate as that is! This week I'm totally back on track and hopefully the scale will reflect it next week, and if it doesn't, screw it, I'm still going to keep plugging along!

Treadmill stats:
47:19 time
3.6 miles **jogged at 5.0 mph which is where I was at before I hurt my hip!! YAY!! not quite the longevity jogging, time wise, that I had at a slower pace, but that will get better.
616.1 calories burned

Food Log:
Cereal with skim milk...200

Egg beaters, 2 slices of toast, 2 pieces of bacon, slice ff cheese...260

Protein bar...290

Small serving of spaghetti with meat sauce...250
Salad with low cal dressing...75

2 small apples with cinnamon and truvia...150
Cereal bar...130

Total calories...1355!! (Better!)
48 oz of water, too

Today I am thankful (once again) that I am keeping up (so far) with this history class homework. So far so good!! OH yeah, I'm totally thankful for this nice weather we can take walks in, too!!

AND NOW WITHOUT FURTHER ADO!!!

I am awarding the prestigious blog award to...

Karen (and John) at http://muffinfixation.blogspot.com/ because not only is my pal Karen an inspiration to me in my journey she also helped me to get followers on my blog so I didn't have to pretend I had followers on my blog!! lmao!!

Katie J at http://katiejweightlossjourney.blogspot.com/ not only is her weight loss journey a inspiration to me, but I love all the pictures she puts on her blog, too, it just makes me happy!! :)

And the other blog is http://365dayswiththe330poundwoman.blogspot.com/ (I'm not sure of your first name...sorry) I find her blog posts very motivational and I can relate to many of the same struggles!

SO in keeping with the rules I decided to write the soundtrack of my childhood...
First of all I was either going to marry Shaun Cassidy, Rick Springfield, or Andy Gibb...'nuff said! Rick Springfield is still HOT I must say!!

Jessie's girl
Don't talk to Strangers (Both by Rick)
DaDoRonRon (by Shaun...first record album I ever bought and it had a poster of him in it ***ahhhhh***
Shadow Dancing
I just want to be your everything (Both Andy Gibb, I had one of those black and white posters of him that you filled in with markers, too funny)
OK then there was Blondie...
Heart of Glass
Call Me
The Tide is High
(Oh yes, Mary and I did disco dance in her basement, lmao!!)
When I got older it was all about the 80's hair bands, and I can honestly say I've been in love with Bret Michaels since I was 17 (and yes my husband does know he is the one man I'd cheat on him with!!)
Look up any Poison song and place it
**HERE**
Really any 80's music defines me and a great time in my life. I still to this day love 80's music.
OK enough rambling on from me, I have to get to bed!

I won an award!! How cool is that!! I'm so psyched!!
Thank you so much to Cassandra at The Path to Wellness!!

I am going to think for a little bit about what I want to post and who else to pass this award on to. I'll post about that later!

Here are the rules...duhn duhn duhn!!
So, like all awards, this one has rules. And it's more than the usual, look pretty, represent the Academy well, try not to trip on the stairs, keep your speech short, don't worry when Kanye says someone else should have won. These are serious. And here they are:
1. Get really excited that you got the coolest award EVER!
2. Choose ONE of the following options of accepting the OMB award:
(a) Get really drunk and blog for 15 minutes straight, or for as long as you can focus.
(b) Write about your most embarrassing moment.
(c) Write a “Soundtrack of your childhood” post.
(d) Make your next blog a ‘vlog’/video blog. Basically, you’re talking to the camera about whatever.
e) Take a picture of yourself first thing in the morning, before you do anything else (hair, makeup, etc) and post it.
3. Pass this award onto at least 3, but preferably more, awesome bloggers as yourself. Don’t forget to tell them.

So let me think on this, I'll be back...

Trying something new for me

A while back one or two of you lovely ladies recommended I eat every three or four hours, so that is what I did today, and I must say it worked pretty well appetite wise, I wasn't starving at any time through out the day, I'm just not sure if I ate enough, so I'll tally that up in a bit.
I just felt so tired today, it was horrible, I actually laid down and took a quicky nap before lunch and after that just felt punky all day. I went to yoga tonight and it was good but I just couldn't focus, and my hip was hurting, which is a first, I don't know if it was the adjustment at the chiropractor or the fact that I didn't do anything but school and homework last week, I just couldn't get a handle on it. I plan on going for a run tomorrow, I didn't today based on the advice of the chiropractor. I hope this stupid hip doesn't act up again. That 5K is coming up fast and I am going to try running outside if the weather cooperates from now until then. There is a nice paved trail going from here to the lake that I might try, the only problem is it runs right along the highway and people can be such a-holes! I may just have to buck up and do it! I want to try out my running watch, too, just looks a little confusing to get it set up, and I'm pretty techno challenged. I weigh in tomorrow, I don't think I'll have a loss because of the week I had last week, but I'll just keep plugging along.

Back to daily thankfulness...
Today I am thankful that I got through 4 hours of my history lecture online..woohoo! On to the test and such tomorrow!

Food log
11 am...berry oatmeal 190

3 pm....Salad mix 25
Dressing 70
Ham cubes 70
Salad toppings 35

7 pm Flat out bread 90
Sliced turkey 80
Lite mayo 35
Craisins 65
Mustard
Spinich

11 pm 2 small apples 125
cinnamon
truvia

785...really?!?! Gotta bump up the calories I guess!

Back on track with my eating!

I think I had a pretty good eating day today. I am going to put everything here and add it up and hopefully I'll be OK with it.
Ann and I were talking at work today and we decided that once this 5K in July is over we have to set our sites on doing one around Thanksgiving or Christmas to keep us motivated, otherwise it will be too easy to say we don't have to worry about anything till next spring and I'm not going that long. Monday I'm going to scope out a route to jog in the neighborhood and try doing it, I just need to be brave about it and do it, instead of worrying about looking stupid.
Danny took Mallory to the doctor today and she just has a bad virus...I was kind of hoping for the ear infection so we could fix it easy enough! Oh well!
I really should watch part of my history lecture, but I just can't bring myself to do it tonight so I'll do it tomorrow night (easy to say now!!)!!

Food Log:
Breakfast:
breakfast sandwich 230
Coffee with creamer 60
Lunch:
Lean cuisine 360
baby carrots 35
cauliflower 40
mandarin oranges 60
yogurt 100
Supper:
Sandwich, wrap, baked chips 485
Snacks
Sunchips 100
Chocolate 210

Total 1680 (not as great as I had hoped, it is so hard on the weekends when I work!)
No exercise

Stress eating...ummmm yeah!

I can totally tell that I've had a shitty eating week. I was stressed out with this class I took at school, and the one that started online on Monday that I neglected to get the jump on (caught up today tho' whew!)! I really need to figure out how to get a handle on my stress eating, I have classes until the end of June and I certainly don't plan on stress eating the whole time!! I think it will help that I can get back to yoga and running on the treadmill next week, just need to figure out this emotional eater brain I have! GAH!!
I guess I can say I lost my good eating mojo, but got in touch with my faith, again. We had the most dynamic theology professor teaching half of this class, he actually made me excited to pull out my bible again, and I haven't for years!!
I think Mallory has an ear infection, she's had a fever all day, crabby, and now poking at her ears. She's asleep, we'll see how long that lasts!

Today I am thankful that I got all of my nursing history homework done and actually had some blogging time.

Now I need to get to bed for a weekend of fun work! And a bunch of bitching about the mandatory overtime they just implemented, I'm sure! BOOO!!!

It's going to be a pretty uneventful blogging week!

I have school all day today through Thursday, I'm going to try and eat OK and get on the treadmill, so we will see how it goes. I think I'm at around 2000 calories today, they actually fed us lunch today, so I'm getting on at least for a couple of miles after the kiddos are in bed, despite the fact that I'm pooped.
Hopefully I have more to talk about tomorrow!

Tomorrow is weigh in day, I don't think I'll have a loss just because I'm pre-cycle for the month, and I sat around on my butt all day today. Oh well, this is just one week of my life!

Take time to...

Yeah, I know the cliche line would be " Stop and smell the roses" or some such saying, however, Paige's Mother's day present really got me thinking that we need to take time to have a picnic!! In her little bag from preschool was a handmade card, a slice of watermelon that she had colored on a paper plate, some plastic cups and spoons and forks, paper plates and napkins, and a note about having a picnic together, just me and Paige. It got me thinking about how I'm always so busy and my standard line is "maybe later" to far too many of her requests. So, we are going to have a picnic, even if it's right in the middle of the living room floor, and I'm going to take time to start doing more of the little things with her, things that are a really big deal to a 4 year old! If the the dirty dishes pile up in the sink, they will get done eventually, the laundry will get done, eventually, because honestly, when you were a kid do you remember how clean your house was, or whether your mom got down on the living room floor and had a picnic with you?

I had a great Mother's Day despite being at work for 12 1/2 hours. I avoided the wraps they brought in for lunch and ate my lunch that I packed (didn't have one of the cookies everyone was raving about either), came home to presents and cupcakes (didn't have one of those either...who the hell am I??? Oh yeah, the one who knows how frickin' long it will take on the treadmill to burn off one stinkin' cupcake!)! I was very spoiled, I got the first season of Glee on dvd, some jewelry, and watch that monitors my distance and calories etc, some decor stuff I wanted for the bathroom and a hanging flower basket for outside, oh and I mustn't forget the gag gift, the pins with Edward Cullen and Jacob Black on them...funny!

I got on the treadmill and did 4 miles tonight, I ran 1.5 miles of it straight, but didn't do so much jogging after that, mostly walking and inclines, but still, not bad for a workout after working a 12 hour shift!

Treadmill stats:
Time: 55:14
Distance 4 miles
Calories burned 698.1

Calories in for the day (I'm too tired to type everything out tonight) 1510

I have school all day the next 4 days, and between now and the end of June I will complete 4 classes. I'm going to be such a bitch the next 6 weeks, I will try to keep a positive attitude, I'm just going to be kind of stressed!

Today I am thankful for my wonderful, funny, happy, moody, loud, crazy, kids. I love them to pieces and wouldn't have it any other way!!

Almost Mother's Day

This is one thing that just stinks about working the weekend program, missing out on all the Sunday holidays. Oh well, we'll celebrate when I get home tomorrow night. Danny is out shopping for me with the kids and I have to laugh because he's already called me twice asking about things he's looking at for me. Presents aren't ever really a surprise in my life, he's not so good at just picking stuff for me, he says I'm hard to buy for, I think I'm easy to buy for!! Paige has been waiting for Mother's Day since she brought the gift she made at preschool for me home on Wednesday, she is going to be bouncing off the walls by the time I get home tomorrow!

I think something at that lunch buffet yesterday made Danny and I sick. I woke up about 4 am this morning with a really bad stomach ache and nausea, I got up right before 5 am and took some tums and took a shower and felt better, went to work but wasn't even hungry until lunchtime, not sick anymore, just not hungry. I chalked it up to eating alot of crap food yesterday. Come to find out Danny felt sick at work last night and today, too. Makes ya' wonder. My calories will look all wonky for today because of not feeling good. No exercise today.

Breakfast:
None...felt sick
Coffee and creamer 30 only drank half

Lunch:
Lean cuisine 340
Baby carrots 35
Strawberries 75
Greek yogurt 110

Supper:
Cereal with skim milk and sugar 200

Snacks:
Mixed nuts 260
M&M minis 280 (might not have these but I'll put them here anyway for now)

Total calories = 1330

Today I am thankful that all the Pizza Hut pizzas the doctors bought us for lunch were all gone by the time I got up to lunch (no temptation!!)!!!

Buffets are not a good thing for me!!

We took my mom to a buffet for lunch today, kind of an early Mother's Day thing because I'll be at work on Sunday. We went to Ponderosa and had the buffet, and let me tell you, I need to avoid buffets because we just don't get along!! I used to love buffets, and don't get me wrong, I ate probably a third of what I used to eat when we went to a buffet, but I honestly felt sick when we got home, heavy food in my stomach and a real desire to just go lay down and sleep it off. Did I take a nap?? NOPE!! I hit the treadmill, and even though I seriously thought I was going to hurl, I stuck with and got in a good workout. I feel better now. :) I really plan to avoid buffets in the future, there is just nothing good about them. Too much food, too many desserts and a food addict just don't mix well! If I could have been happy to just have a small salad and a little bite of this and a little taste of that, I'd have been good, but I'm like a drug addict in a crack house when I get around all of those foods I love. I have a hard time making myself behave!! At least today I had a realization that what I was doing was going to make me feel like crap, and I paid for it. Maybe next time I'll be able to reel it in a little sooner, and with each negative experience I can learn and grow and not keep making the same mistakes.
I have been thinking alot lately about the power of positive thinking and how people either choose to be happy or choose to be miserable and wallow in self-pity. I think I've pretty much always been a wallower, why does this person have a bigger house than me, why couldn't I have been born with talent, why is she pretty and thin, why is that person always so happy and I have to be miserable?!?!? ON and ON and ON...I'm just so sick of it. My focus is going to shift, right here, right now, today. I am not going to focus on what I don't have, or what I want, or who has more than I do, I am going to be thankful everyday for the life I have I'm going to enjoy every moment, and live for today. No longer am I just going to be swept along in life wondering how the hell I got from point A to point B without really remembering just how I got there. Sure, there are going to be rough patches and times when I want to complain and question God's grand plan for me, but those are the times I will try to reflect on all that is good in my life, and all I have to be thankful for. It's so much easier to place blame and feel sorry for myself, but I am no longer taking that negative path, everyday I will try to be positive and focused, and when I stray back to my old ways hopefully I will be able to recognize it and stop myself from even going there.
I want to blog one thing I am thankful for everyday, and if you comment on my blog, please feel free to do the same!
Today I am thankful I got to spend some time with my mom at lunch. She is 80 years old and I don't know how many more Mother's Days we have left with her, so I will cherish each and every one of them. I'm also thankful that at 80 she is very healthy and probably more active than I am!! :)

Treadmill stats:
50:47 Minutes
3.8 miles
663.3 calories burned
Warm up walk for half mile
Jogged 1.5 miles at 4.8 mph
Walked and did inclines for a half mile
Jogged .5 miles at 4.8 mph
Walked and did inclines for the remainder of the workout.

Another good exercise day

I'm grinning ear to ear, because I'm making progress and it's progress I can see, and that my friends motivates to push just that little bit further every time I'm on that treadmill. I know there will still be days when I won't have a great workout, but just today I was thinking back to when I first got back on the treadmill and it was a struggle to jog 1 or 2 minutes and now it is getting easier, not to the point where it is a walk in the park, I still struggle, and I still have problems with that self-confidence because I keep thinking I can't even thought I know I can, my body is getting stronger, I just need to BELIEVE in myself, and that has always been a problem for me, my whole life. The fat, teased, kid that basically had her self-esteem and self-confidence stolen from her because kids are freakin' mean, no two ways about it, what is unfortunate is that I have carried that pain, self-doubt, and lack of self-confidence into my adult life and that pisses me off. I'm working on it, I will never be one of those assertive type women who are proud to be bitches, but I am working on believing in myself and my abilities in all aspects of my life. Here, I believe yoga is helping me, not only getting physically stronger but healing my mind as well. Some day when I feel up to it, I may blog about the painful aspects of my childhood, I'm just not there yet...
So anyway!!!
I did my half mile warm up walk
then
I JOGGED 1.5 miles!! WOOT WOOT!!
did inclines and such for half mile
and
then
I jogged another half mile!!!
walked and did inclines for the last part of it.

I jogged 2 miles of my 3.6 mile treadmill workout today, granted it was split up but never the less, I did it!! It feels great!!!
I asked for a calorie counting watch that monitors heartrate and distance and whatnot, for mother's day. The have jogging watches with gps in them now, way too expensive for a novice runner like me, but I thought that was too cool. I just want a cheap version, no gps, and we will see how that works. Now to get up the nerve to go jogging outside, that's the next big step for me!!
I have classes all day, on campus, Monday through Thursday next week, so there won't be any time for yoga but I hope to do the treadmill after supper on those days so I don't back slide!

Treadmill stats for the day:
50.02 minutes
3.632 miles
629 calories burned

Jogged 2 miles of that at 4.8 split up 1.5 miles and .5 miles!!!

Food log later

Yoga, cleaning, vomiting child in the car, cleaning out the car

...and a not so great eating day! Bleh!!
Yoga was incredible as usual. I am so happy that it is going so well for me, and it just feels right, you know that feeling when you just find that niche that's right for you, whether is a partner, job, exercise, whatever, yoga is my niche!
Did some cleaning and hung some sheets out, though they could have easily ended up in the next county as windy as it was today, wow! Wind advisory all day and the house is still creaking away.
My bright idea was to go pick up Mallory's 18 month pictures after supper and guess what??? We have another kid who gets car sick. The older kids never did that but both Paige and now Mallory do. She was so full of vomit (while still buckled in to her carseat mind you) I didn't even know where to start to clean her up, thank goodness I had the diaper bag along with a boatload of wipes and change of clothes for her. I said a little prayer of thanks, as bad as it was getting her cleaned up, that she did it in the car and not in the middle of JCPennies, where we would have been had she waited even 2 minutes longer. Ah the joys of motherhood with Mother's day right around the corner. Got home and scoured the carseat with water and baking soda and I'll hit it with febreeze tomorrow. That little shit is just fine now, too. I caught her standing (yes standing) on her rocking horse. I guess because she's the last one she is going to give us a total run for our money, she is definitely a daredevil!! I'll be frequenting the hair color aisle at WalMart to cover all the grey's she's going to give me!
Anyway my eating fell apart this evening because I waited too long to have supper and let myself get too hungry.
Breakfast
Marathon protein bar 290
Lunch
Subway oven roasted chicken breast (bought the foot long with good intentions to save half for supper and well...) 740
Supper
Slice of Little Ceasar's cheese pizza 240
3 breadsticks 300

Snacks
Truffle candy bar 170
Gummies 240

Tomorrow will be a better day!!

1980 calories today

It floors me to think I would probably have eaten three times that at most times during my life and not even have thought twice about it. Now I am so much more conscious and striving to do better. Every day may not always feel like a victory, but it IS a VICTORY as long as I keep at it, one day at a time, one step at a time. Always striving to do better and not get so frustrated that I give up when times get tough.

Nite all!!

Tuesdays are always good days!

I'm not sure why, but Tuesdays always seem to be good treadmill and good eating days, I don't know if it's because I have a chiropractor adjustment on Monday mornings and yoga Monday nights or what, but it sure seems to be the pattern!
I did 3.5 miles on the treadmill this afternoon
50.07 minutes
600 calories burned
I tweaked down my speed just a touch to 4.8 mph and after doing a half mile warm up I jogged 1.3 miles, then did a bit of inclines and then jogged another .5 mile. It was a good day!!
Eating wise, I made some yummy, yummy oatmeal this morning with blueberries in it, and then I tried a couple of new recipes for lunch. I liked it all, Danny not so much...It is so hard to please everyone with food, and usually the new stuff I make is followed by a wrinkled up nose and "ewwwww' ,and that's just Danny, you should see what the kids do!!! Just kidding!! He's usually a good sport about trying what I make, but I can tell right away if he doesn't like it.
I drank 72 ounces of water today and didn't even crack a diet soda till just a little bit ago when I started getting a headache from no caffeine all day. Maybe I can wean myself off the sodas eventually, that would be awesome!
Food Log:
Breakfast:
Berries and Cream oatmeal
Lunch:
Tuna melt
Asparagus roll ups with cucumber dip
Supper:
Ham sandwich with laughing cow cheese
Pork and beans
Total calories for the day...1128 Need to beef that up a bit tomorrow, I guess!!

Took the kids for a walk after my school meeting for Paige tonight, it was so nice out. We ran up a steep hill, too, that was fun!! It's supposed to storm overnight, they had tornadoes north of us, hopefully it won't get that bad here.
Tomorrow morning is yoga after I drop Paige off at preschool, I really look forward to yoga!

Back in ONEDERLAND!!!!

I had a great weigh in this morning. Lost 3.4# this week!!! Yee haw!!!!!!

My family is a distraction!!

I have come to the conclusion that my family totally throws me off track when I'm on the treadmill. I got on it after work last night after the little ones were in bed, hubby and a couple of the kids were watching TV while I was on the treadmill (the treadmill is in the living room). First off Danny was eating popcorn and it stunk up the room and then (as sweet and cute as it is) they think it's funny to stand next to the treadmill and pretend they are walking or jogging like me. For me, jogging is as much a mental game as it is physical, maybe even more so, and if I can't concentrate and focus it's all over!! Needless to say I didn't do very much in the way of longevity with the running but I managed to do 3.5 miles alternating jogging and walking and inclines. I like my weekday routine, I get on the treadmill when the baby goes to nap and Paige watches a movie and all is right with the world!!

This week my challenge to myself is going to be to drink more water. I'm shooting for 48 ounces a day to start with and I'll bump the volume up as I go along, if I feel the need to. I am not giving up caffeine cold turkey, otherwise I'll be in bed and useless with a migraine for 3 days. My water intake amount will be on top of other beverage amounts. I used to be so good about drinking water, and I just got away from it and now I'm drinking too much diet soda...bleh!!

Yoga tonight was fabulous as usual!! I really love it, and I think I'm getting a little better at it...woot woot!!

Off to pay some bills and get to bed...

Full bars

I think I'm impressed with these!!! I tried one at work today for the first time, you eat it a half hour before your meal with 8 ounces of water and supposedly you get full faster. For some stupid reason I am always starving when I'm at work, I don't know if it's the 12 hour shifts or what, I'm rarely that way at home on my days off, but I have a hard time at work and when I get home from work I pretty much want to eat everything that isn't nailed down. So today I ate one bar before my lunch and drank the water and waited the 30-ish minutes, I'm thinking as I'm walking up to the break room, that there is no way this thing was working because I was starving, well I heated up my lunch as usual and started eating and then about half way through I started feeling so full, I actually felt sick to my stomach, stopped eating and was pretty well satisfied until the end of my shift, I was getting a little hungry at the end but I ate another of the bars on the drive home from work with the water and again, was pretty starving when I got home, however, same thing happened, as I was finishing my supper I had to stop because I got the full, sick feeling. This definitely can't be thought of as an appetite suppressant and that's why I think they get a bad rap, but they do work if you use them properly and for the intended purpose, which is to help you feel full. I will try them again tomorrow and see if I get the same results. It's not just the water, I've tried that before and still end up hungry and eating as much as normal, there is something to this!!! Even if I only use them on workdays, it will help me out, that's for sure!
I'm beat, so I'm posting my food log and heading to bed.

Food Log:
Breakfast:
Nutrigrain bar 130
Coffee with creamer 60

Full bar 160

Lunch
Smart one 300
Cauliflower 40
Baby carrots 35

Full bar 160

Supper
Pork roast 250
Baked beans 300
Cranberry 150

Total 1585 calories

No exercise today

Where the heck do my days off go??

Seriously, I only work 2 twelve hour shifts a week (Saturdays and Sundays) but I swear the Monday through Friday days off I Have are gone in the blink of an eye! Maybe it's because we have been busy with appointments and running around alot the last couple of weeks, but still!! I only have one more week off before my classes start back up and then it's going to be busy, busy, busy until the end of June. I can't say that I'm looking forward to it.
I have really struggled the last two days on the treadmill, maybe it will be better when I get on again Sunday and if not Sunday maybe Tuesday, I did have a good Tuesday this last week. My legs just felt like lead the last two days and it was honestly a struggle to get the workout done. I did 3.5 miles today, it took a little longer, and I wanted to quit, but I did it. I didn't do any kind of a longish run, at most maybe a half mile jog solid and then intervals, but it's done and over with and next time will be a new workout with hopefully better mental focus.

Treadmill Stats:

Warm up:
0.5 miles at 4.1 to 4.2 mph with .5 to 1.0 incline
7.16 minutes
87.4 calories burned

Walk/Jog/Inclines
3.0 miles (variable speeds and inclines)
42.19 minutes
526.0 calories burned

Totals:
3.5 miles
49.35 minutes
613.4 calories burned

I didn't count calories today, and that's probably a good thing, it wasn't such a good eating day!!!
I'll post my Saturday food log tomorrow night. I'm going to try those full bars at work tomorrow, because for some stupid reason I am starving when I'm at work and when I get home, so maybe that will help me feel full before lunch at work and full once I get home if I eat one on the trip home. We'll see...
No exercise tomorrow.

My BMR

The easiest way to figure out your daily caloric needs is using something like the Harris-Benedict formula. Calculate your Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) first - this is the number of calories your body uses just to get through the day, without physical activity thrown in.
BMR = 655 + (9.6 x weight in kilos) + (1.8 x height in centimetres) - (4.7 x age in yrs)

655 + (9.6 x 90.9)+ (1.8 x 162.56) - (4.7 x 41)

655 + 872.64 + 292.6 - 192.7 = 1627.54

x 1.55 = 2522.6

- 500 = 2022.6

** So technically if I eat 1000 less than that I should lose 2 pounds per week, right??
Did I do this right?

Not as good at focusing as I thought

I hopped on the treadmill this afternoon and it was a fight to the finish, not me fighting the treadmill, but me fighting my stupid brain, the one organ of my body that I can't seem to get a handle on, and dammit it would make life so much easier if I could!! GAHHHH!!! I know I can do better I just felt really distracted today. Maybe it was because two of the kids were home "sick" from school and disrupted my daily routine, or maybe it was just me, and my inability to stop the noise, noise, noise, noise (feeling Seuss-like tonight, we just read Green Eggs and Ham), or maybe it was just not a great exercise day and I just need to get over it and move on. It's not even so much the quantity of my treadmill workout, it's that I am so focused on running that whole 5K in July that I really want to get my jogging stretch up to par. I did 1.2 miles the other day and today I only did 1, it feels like a failure, even though I know it's not. Not to make excuses (yeah, I NEVER do that!) but I am super sore from yoga on Wednesday, it's crazy what a great workout that is and I know I pushed myself in class, and today I'm paying for it. I have decided Fridays are going to be treadmill days, too, I'll just have to see how it plays out, I know the original plan I came up with was to do and exercise dvd on Fridays, but honestly, I hate exercise dvd's, not that I will stop buying them, mind you, I have a pretty extensive collection of once and twice used dvd's, I always think they look good and then I'm disappointed, or just lack the motivation to do them. Just another of the great flaws I get to call my own!!!! I love going out to do an exercise class or yoga class, and I have no problem using my treadmill, I just hate the workout dvd's.
So the new schedule for the week will be Sundays-treadmill, Mondays-yoga, Tuesdays-treadmill, Wednesdays-yoga, Thursdays and Friday-treadmill, Saturdays-off, and let me tell you Sundays are hard after working 12 hours shifts on Saturday and Sunday, but I'll just have to push through it.
I actually did some sprints (well, sprint speed for me right now) at 6 mph today and my hip didn't even bother me in the slightest, I couldn't be happier about that!!

Treadmill stats:

Warm up
7.23 minutes
.5 miles at 4.0 to 4.1 mph (mostly 4.1 with a .5 incline)
85.9 calories

Jog/walk
34.32 minutes
2.7 miles
456.8 calories
5 mph for 1 mile straight then alternated 4.0 to 4.1 walks with 5.0 to 6.0 runs for the remaining 1.7 miles.

Totals
41.55 minutes ( not too shabby, I thought my time would be a little longer but I think it compares to Tuesday's workout)
3.2 miles
542.7 calories burned

I took the little girls for a walk after supper, it was windy as all get out, but pretty nice. It feels good to walk and get fresh air. The nicest cat came right up to us out of someone's yard and it was so friendly. Mallory just loved it.

Food log

Breakfast: Nutri grain bar 130 (damn these are coming in handy this week, too much running around the last couple of weeks!)!

Lunch:
Lean Cuisine 250
Broccoli 45

Supper:
Domino's thin crust cheese pizza 600

Snack:
Ritz crackers 80 (stopped munching on these real quick when I saw they were 80 calories for 5 stinkin' crackers...wow!)!!!

Calories for the day 1105 (and that greasy pizza actually made me feel sick)
minus treadmill workout 542.7
=562.3

Am I eating enough calories?? I want to try to hit around 1400 but is my body going to go into starvation mode with the calorie deficit from exercising. You'd think after a lifetime of dieting off and on I'd know this.
Tomorrow is a no calorie counting day. I had a loss this week and if it keeps working I'll keep doing the cheat day on Fridays, within reason of course!!

Gotta go finish the grocery list for shopping tomorrow...boooooo!!!

Now I can stop pretending I have followers

because I really do!!! Thanks Karen! Thanks everyone for signing up to follow my blog, I will follow each of yours as best I can, too. I look forward to getting to know you all!!

Daily dose of mini m&ms

I think a daily dose of mini m&ms might just be a good thing for me. I get my chocolate fix and I get to eat a ton of mini's for 150 calories, not the healthiest thing in the world, but I'm looking for adaptations to make this a lifestyle I can live with forever. I'm sure I won't eat them every day but it's good to know those little chocolaty goodies are available if I need them. At least until I overcome this compulsion to eat, eat, eat, that I seem to live with, and plan to get a handle on someday! Hey a girl can dream, right?
I went to yoga this morning and I really, really like it. I definitely think this is something I will keep doing for a long time to come. As cliche as it sounds, I really feel more centered and at peace when I come out of the yoga studio and what I take away helps me outside of there, as well. I just love it. I can only hope to someday be as flexible as my yoga instructor who is all of about 125# and pregnant with twins!! I am in awe watching her go through the poses and demonstrating them, she is incredible!!
Tomorrow is another treadmill day. I have a stupid dentist appointment at 8 am, what the hell was I thinking setting that up so early...bleh! I plan to get on the treadmill after lunch as usual, and we'll see what the day brings.

Food log:

Breakfast:
Cereal bar 130

Lunch:
Half subway oven roasted chicken breast on wheat loaded with veggies 320
Lite mayo 50
Sun chips 220

Supper:
Pork chop 200
Baked Potato 135
Margarine 60
Green beans 15
Sauerkraut 25

Snacks:
M&M minis 280
Starburst gummies 140

1575 calories total (damn sweet tooth anyway) Tomorrow will be a better day!

Treadmill workout 1

This is the playlist I am going to use for my run tomorrow...

Treadmill workout 1: "1. We Are Pilots - Shiny Toy Guns
2. Music Is My Hot, Hot Sex - CSS
3. Devoted - Lacuna Coil
4. Let's Get It Started - Black Eyed Peas
5. Paper Planes - M.I.A.
6. Bad Romance - Lady Gaga
7. Womanizer (Main Version) - Britney Spears
8. When You Were Young - The Killers
9. Poker Face - Lady Gaga
10. Jai Ho! (You Are My Destiny) featuring Nicole Scherzinger - Pussycat Dolls
11. Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It) - Beyonce
12. Keeps Gettin' Better - The CDM Chartbreakers
13. Heads Will Roll - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
14. Congratulations featuring Imogen Heap - Blue October
15. Halo - Beyonce"

Pain is only temporary

Exercise means being uncomfortable, it's about pushing yourself just a little farther than you think you can go, the uncomfortable feeling, the PAIN is only temporary. My mind screams at me to stop and I push on anyway because my body is getting stronger and pulling me past the limits of my mind. Think about how fast the pain goes away once you stop exercising, it's kind of like childbirth in that respect, intense pain that you don't think you will make it through but it all but disappears in the blink of an eye and is quickly forgotten, though the sense of accomplishment lingers. The question then becomes how to push past the pain or center yourself and just be in the moment, knowing it will all be done soon and that you are powerful and strong, I AM POWERFUL AND STRONG!!! I do this goofy thing when I'm running I try to visualize in my mind what my breath would look like going in and out of my body and in concentrating on just the breath I can block out everything else, just putting one foot in front of the other and breathing in and breathing out and just BEING! It's amazing to finally get it, to understand that I am capable of far more than I ever dared to think that I am. I am finally liking me and that is huge for someone who is a pro at picking apart all of her own flaws.

I lost 2.4 pounds this week, at first I wasn't thrilled because I was thinking that I didn't lose very much, turns out I had done the math wrong in my head and when I finally sat down to do my blog tonight it dawned on me that I LOST 2.4 POUNDS!!! WOOT WOOT!!!! Still not in "onederland" hopefully next week I will be under 200#, right now I'm sitting at 200.4. Disgusting still, but moving in the right direction anyway!

I ran 1.2 miles of my 3.2 mile treadmill workout today and not only did I run 1.2 miles I jumped my speed up to 5.0 mph, almost back to the speed I was at when I hurt the old lady hip. I am so happy to have been able to do 1.2 miles at that speed. I only warmed up for a half mile before jogging instead of my usual 1 mile and my hip did fine!! yippee!
Treadmill stats:

7.27 minutes
.5 mile
86.0 calories
4.0 to 4.1 mph .5 incline for a small part of it

14.29 minutes
1.2 miles
200.9 calories
5 mph!!!

20.05 minutes
1.5 miles
254.1 calories
Alternated 4.0 walk and 5.0 jog (attempted 6.0mph didn't last very long!)

Totals:
41.61 minutes (think I trimmed some time off...yayyyyyy!)
3.2 miles
541 calories burned

I feel good about today!!!

Food Log:

Breakfast:
Cereal bar 130

Lunch: (Panera my new favorite lunching spot!)
Cup of LF chicken noodle 80
1/2 Asian chicken salad 200
Dressing 45
Baguette 150

Supper:
Crescent roll 100
Low fat hot dog 90
Half slice of cheese 30

Snacks:
Fruit cup from Panera 60
Mini m&m's (my latest addiction because it feels like you get ALOT of those little suckers!!) 150
Starburst gummies 140
(Too much sugar today, I know!)

Total calories 1175
Burned on treadmill 541
=634

Interesting...