Tomorrow is THE DAY!!

I will be getting pictures and measurements and hopping back on the bandwagon (AGAIN). I was thinking today how ironic and utterly pathetic it is that I ran my first 5K at a weight that is almost as heavy as when I started WW back in January of '09. I had lost almost 60# and have since put all but about 10# of it back on, over the last 9 months or so. I am so disgusted with myself, yet again. I just don't understand why I do this to myself every time. For once in my life can't I just take the weight off and leave it off!!!! I am seriously contemplating attending and over-eaters anonymous meeting, I was surprised to find they have one here in our small town, it's tomorrow night, I think it would be weird, walking in for the first time, and taking that first step would definitely be the hardest. There has to be help out there for me, and anything short of a therapist is worth a shot, I guess. I know what I need to do to lose weight, I know what I need to do to keep it off, I know what I should and shouldn't eat, I know when I'm binging and I know that my binge days always eventually turn into binge weeks followed by binge months, and I am powerless to reel it in once it gets going. I've been fat my whole life and this is such a typical pattern for me. It's funny how it is so taboo for people to say anything about someone gaining weight, yeah, it's nice to hear comments when your losing, but when you are gaining it's a whole other story, no one says a word, and you know people notice, it's THAT obvious!! Can you imagine someone saying, " My you look like you are getting fatter by the day..." Maybe that would be a wake up call, just a thought, not that I would want anyone saying that to me, I think I do fine at beating myself up over my weight. It's almost as if I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to fail, so I go into it with the wrong mindset, I guess because I always HAVE failed, what else should I expect. I guess I will always be waiting for that ah-ha moment when it all makes sense and works out. Sure hope I find it this time!
Time to get my ass up out of the dirt and come out swingin'!!